Weird Encounters

Ok, so I'm not sure if I'm wearing a sign that says "Hey, I'm open to having weird encounters." I just don't know. Whatever the case...today was definitely a day of weird encounters.


Weird Encounter #1-I leave the house this morning at 8:30 so that I can make the 20 minute drive to church, battle the traffic in the parking lot, and get a good seat for 9:30 service. As I'm driving up Lowery Blvd. I get stopped at the light. To my left, I see this lady on the corner flagging me down. I was a bit hesitant to roll down my window to see what she wanted. She was dressed decently and didn't appear to be in any need so I hesitated. She continued flagging me down. Soooo...I roll down my window and ask "How can I help you?" She says, "Can you give me and my son a ride to church? I don't want to be late for Sunday school." My first thought was "Heck no. I don't know if you and your son are planning to rob me and are using church as an excuse to get in my car." Then she asked again, this time she said, "Please, I really don't want to be late for Sunday school. The church van was supposed to pick me up 30 minutes ago and it didn't show. I've been standing out here all this time waiting. He coulda called me and told me he wasn't coming." So I say, without thinking, "Sure, I can take you." As these two strangers approached my car I thought to myself, "What the hell? Kim are you crazy? You don't know these people!" The lady and her son hop in and I begin driving down the road. She starts giving me directions to her church (which was only three blocks away) and then turns to me and says, "You look like a nice lady who was on her way to church so I thought I'd ask you to drop me off." I don't respond. I just chuckle a little. As we near the church, I'm still thinking to myself, "What the hell? You just gave two strangers a ride!" We get to the church and she and her son hop out. She looks back and says,"The Lord sho gone bless you for this." I nodded and pulled off. Who just flags down strangers to ask for a ride? Better yet, who just picks up strangers and give them a ride? Apparently, me!


Weird Encounter #2- Now, I'm in service. As I'm holding my neighbors' hands, praying with my head bowed and my eyes closed, I feel a hand on my shoulder. At first, I think nothing of it. Maybe the hand on my shoulder doesn't have a hand to hold for prayer. Then, something weird happened...the hand on my shoulder starts massaging it. I don't look up, I just shrug my shoulder as if to say "STOP RUBBING MY DAMN SHOULDER, CAN'T YOU SEE I'M PRAYING!" The hand then transitions from my right shoulder to my left and starts massaging it! At this point I'm pissed. I can't believe I'm being fondled in church. This is crazy! I look back and the hand belongs to a young man, about 16-17 years old. I frown at him and take my seat.


Weird Enocunter #3- I'm still in service. Prayer is over. And now its time to greet the visitors. I turn and greet the lady to my left and the lady to my right. Then as I'm taking my seat, the young man who just massaged ny damn shoulders reaches out to give me a hug. (I'm trying to be a better Christian and not be rude) so... I go to hug him and you wouldn't believe what weird thing happened next...THIS DUDE TONGUE KISSES MY CHEEK! I pulled away and was like "WHAT THE *#%!?" I almost forgot I was in church. I had to stop myself from cursing. Not only was the side of my face wet, but it was stanking. Dude's breathe was so bad, he left my cheek on bump! I was sitting in the middle of row two so had I jumped up and ran to the bathroom to wash my face, I would have had to cut through everyone on the row. TALK ABOUT PISSED! (Ya'll know I keep baby wipes on me so I just used one to clean the side of my face). I was irritated. I tried my best not to let it ruin my worship experience. I couldn't stop thinking about how I had been damn near molested at church! I made a complaint with the church office. Apparently, this isn't the first time this young man has had inappropriate contact with a woman in the church!


Weird Encounter 4# - Service is over. I go home. I change my clothes. I head to Wal-Mart to get all the fixins' for tacos. I get my fixins and I head over to the electronic section to check the price of a case for my new external hard-drive. I see this guy follwing me with his eyes. I'm a little weirded out but I keep shopping. I check the price and head back over to the food section. I remember that I need to get more Banana Nut Cheerios (my cholesterol is through the roof!). I get my Cheerios and as I turn my cart around, dude is stranding right there. I was startled by his presence. Didn't I just see him over in electronics? He's staring at me like he's looking at an angel. Then he says, "What are you getting into tonight?" I lie and say, "I'm headed home to cook dinner for my boyfriend." (I DO NOT HAVE A BOYFRIEND, I AM STILL VERY SINGLE). He says, "Oh, what are you cooking?" I say, "tacos." This fool then says, "Ya'll  gone save me a plate?" I died laughing and was like, "NO!" and pushed my buggy past his crazy a#%. 


I was too outdone. I had had enough strange encounters for the day. I check out, get in my car, speed home. Once in the house, I locked my door and closed  my blinds. I didn't want anymore craziness finding me. 


What a day...